Acupuncture is truly extraordinary. It's half art and half science, and after my first session, I am still mystified by it. Not that I ever questioned its legitimacy or anything, but I just never thought I'd see the day where I'd volunteer to have needles sticking out of my face.
My back and my neck had been killing me for the past two weeks. I was stiff as a board, I could barely turn my neck, and even just sitting back in my chair at work was a bit uncomfortable.
I couldn't take it anymore, and so when the sun finally decided to show its face after two crappy cold and rainy days, I headed over to the acupuncturist downtown. It turned out to be a mix of acupuncture and chiropractic, which was fine by me.
I was pretty nervous about the prospect of being turned into Hellraiser, but I was also excited about the prospect of being put back together again. They could rebuild me; they had the technology.
The doctor didn't really speak much English, but he spoke enough. Once I answered some of his questions, he had me lay down face up, face down, head facing him, head facing way from him, and all sorts of kinky positions. He contorted my legs and arms this way and that in simple stretches.
It wasn't until he got to the neck that things got interesting. "Turn right," he said, indicating he was going to turn my neck to the right. "Relax, and tell me when it hurts." At the sound of the first crack, I didn't quite tell him it hurt; I sort of just groaned at him. A sound just fell out of my mouth.
This would be the first of many snap, crackle, and pops he'd draw out of me. There were a couple of times where he put pressure on certain points on my neck and shoulders and I felt this burning sensation. But then just as the pain became unbearable, the flame turned into a delicious liquid heat that washed all of the discomfort away.
Apparently the problem is that my jaw is not completely aligned--the right side is slightly higher than the left or something--and so it pulls unevenly on my spine, throwing everything out of alignment. He had me walk down the hallway like it was a catwalk and then proceeded to tell me that I basically don't walk correctly. I can't even walk correctly; how sad is that? He made me clamp down on a mouth guard that is supposed to align my jaw, did some more pulls, twists, and turns, and had me walk once more.
At one point, he had a hand on the back of my head and another against my chin; he seemed to be trying to re-align my jaw himself.
After a couple more neck exercises, I could start to feel more mobility in my neck. The doc had me lay back down, and this time he put a brace type of support beneath my neck, a hot plate on my stomach, and pin in my right lower leg, left arm, and each cheek. He left me there for ten minutes.
The needles felt pretty funky. I could feel every single one sitting in my skin; I could count them with my eyes closed. I have to say, though, a part of me was disappointed that I only had four needles. I kind of wanted to see what it would feel like to be turned into a human pin cushion. (Is that weird?)
After cleaning a bit of blood from my cheek, I was taken to a chiropractor who put some wrestling moves on me until he heard the right crack in my neck. (Honestly, by the end of my session, I lost count of how many times something cracked or popped. It was a bit unnerving.) Sometimes I couldn't hold in my laughter at the situation, and he would smile in response, at least acknowledging how absurd this all looked. I mean, at one point, he had me sit with my back to him and my hands behind my head; he placed a cylindrical pillow between his chest and my back, locked his arms into mine, and lifted me into the air. I thought he'd just stretched my neck by a couple inches or something.
All in all, though, I left there feeling about 75% better than I felt walking in. Best of all, with our medical coverage, it cost me all of $15 for the first session, and every subsequent visit, of which I can assure you there will be many more, will only cost $10. Korea, I love you.
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